Year End Review and a Bright Start to 2017

Once-a-year blogs are totally okay, right? Sure, why not!

2017 is newly dawning, but I wanted to take the time to talk about 2016 first. 2016 in a lot of regards wasn't a fantastic year for my family-- especially the first half-- but the last half took a far better turn I'm happy to say.

2017 is looking to be an excellent year. I'm not big on resolutions, but I do have some definite goals I'm planning on achieving in the coming year. First, I wanted to talk about what I accomplished in 2016. Focusing on the positives is essential for looking and planning forward. Despite 2016 having a rough start, I achieved quite a bit.

I was hired for a position that's starting to open a whole lot of doors for me. I'm a digital marketing specialist for Legal InSites. We're a startup company that's had an extraordinary 2016 and have plenty of big plans for the future. I get to be creative, write, manage content, help clients get the word out about their legal practices, and take on some really interesting and challenging projects.

Here's one project I had the pleasure of working on which involved interviewing legal technology vendors and writing a fun article about artificial intelligence. Here's another where I babbled a whole lot about legal writing and the power of storytelling. I love diving into deep projects like these. I also love helping small practice lawyers get to do what they love-- help those in need have a voice.

I'm more confident than I've ever been regarding my writing skills, editing skills, project management skills, and leadership skills. Some projects I take on challenge me like nothing has in the past, and I find myself excited to take on new challenges each and every day. It's awesome.

I've also had my first professional rate short story fiction sale in 2016. It's one of my earlier stories (Trail of Stars) and one of my favorites. It's due to be published in an upcoming POC anthology that will be available in January on Amazon. It's science fiction and space opera-y and all kinds of fun.

I've written more fiction in 2016 than I have in the past couple of years. I haven't written as much as I would have liked to, but I'm happy to say I at least finished one new, large story, started a couple others, and continued submitting stories on a regular basis to professional-paying markets.

I started submitting Captive by the Fog to new markets as well. I've received two rejections thus far, but they've both been near miss rejections and include personal notes. That tells me that I will be able to find a permanent home for the novel if I keep trying. And I will. I'm getting very close.

On a more hobby-related note, I've taken up the reins of raid leader in World of Warcraft this past year. I've been a part of raid teams for years, but I've never actually tried leading. Leading lets me form the type of group I really want to form, plus it lets me bring together friends both new and old (shout out to Ben for the awesome pic edit above-- that's my bear!). We have fun, enjoy a truly cooperative, laid-back atmosphere, and we kick butt without taking the game super seriously. It's win-win for everyone.

It's also satisfying on a personal level. I never thought I could lead, but with the right company, a bit of help from my trusted friends (shout outs to Chantra, Megan, and Chris!), and a bit of courage, I find I do fairly well. Leading vocally also helps me feel less anxious speaking to others which helps in other aspects of my life.

Micah, Jeremy, and I have also started seriously creating indie 8-bit RPGs that we're aiming to place on the market. We're working on our first game with a few friends now. It's called Mender's Strife and will be available for PC and mobile platforms. I'm writing the story/script. I still sometimes wonder why the hell they trust me to write this stuff, but I just have to trust them. Writing a game script has always been one of my bucket list goals. It's awesome getting to see it through.

On that note, I've also made some decent strides in 2016 towards being "unapologetically me" so to speak. I've aimed to surround myself with those who support and care about me for who I already am-- not for some silly umbrella they think I fit under or want me to fit under. No one in the world is like me. I may as well be the best version of myself I can. That's the trend I plan on continuing in 2017.

Good things are to come. I can feel it.

Happy New Year, folks!

A Thanksgiving Update

I suppose I'm overdue for an update (maybe, possibly!). Thanksgiving seemed like a good time to turn some of the thoughts in my head into words as I summarize the past year in my usual list sorta way. The year's not over with, of course, but despite a bit of a slow start and some frustrations in the earlier half, the second half of 2015 has been, well... pretty damn good. Thanks to everyone who's close to me that's made this possible. Most of you know who you are already, but here's a rundown of who and what I'm thankful for this year:

I'm thankful for Debbie and Nana who support me in my writerly endeavors and always have my back even when my freelance jobs don't pay the best or turn out as expected. We ran into a few rough months this year money-wise, but we made it through just like we always do. I'm thankful for the patience you have with me, the strength you both show, and the support you offer in regards to me finding my happiness in all aspects of life. I know I'm not always easy to live with, haha.

I'm thankful for Amber, who's shown me sides of myself I hadn't even realized existed. You've given me the extra boost I've needed, babe, to keep moving forward at times and keep my fiction goals centered in front of my vision. You help ground me. You help remind me that I'm worth fighting for, that my future's worth fighting for, and that my voice deserves to be heard. You give me hope-- in us, and in myself. Thank you so much for making your way into my life.

I'm thankful for all my close friends and family members who continue to be supportive of me and my endeavors. Those who read my short stories and offer feedback, those who are just there to lend an ear when I get kinda mopey at 1 a.m. for no particular good reason (hey, tanking annoyances are srs business at 1 a.m... lol). Special shoutouts to Micah and Cav.

I'm also thankful to my more distant friends and family members who I may not speak to that often, but who I know are still there, always supportive, always keeping an eye on me. Yes, Angel, you'll always be protective of me and love me even with our distance. That fact's a comfort to me. 

I'm grateful to Ryan, Keith, and the rest of the guys at LogicForce Consulting who've given me a pretty great opportunity this year to become the company's person-who-writes-all-the-things even though I don't have a legal degree or tech degree. I'm also thankful for John, my Den of Geek editor, who gives me the opportunity to write about gaming stuff on the weekends and dive into MMOs that I still love even though I don't quite have the time for them I used to.

I'm grateful for my past which has fueled me into the person I am today as well as my future which I hope holds bright things. I'm grateful for hope. I'm grateful for having loved ones to depend on in times of need. I'm grateful for my memories, my health, and for having the opportunity to make each day as meaningful as I can. I'm grateful for continued brave moments and for watching others around me succeed in their dreams.

In short, if you're reading this, there's probably a good chance I'm grateful for you. Thank you. <3 

Oh, and yes, some of you might recognize the header image. That's indeed Ely lake. ;) I stole the pic from Aunt Sandy on Facebook one day.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and may the rest of 2015 and 2016 dawn bright for us all. 

Looking Toward the Sky

It's been a while since I've updated again, but I'm happy to say these past few months have led to a few truly awesome opportunities in my career. We decided to relaunch Junkies Nation last month and I was brought in as the Editor-in-Chief. It's been a while since I've been asked to spread my leadership wings of sorts, but I find I enjoy it immensely. My team of writers is fantastic and I've had the chance to reach out to various game developers which is a new learning experience for me-- but one I'm extremely grateful for.

I'm also able to write my big, long editorials again! I've missed that so. Here's the first I've published. All about WildStar, World of Warcraft, and the need for risk taking in MMORPG development. I have a couple more in the planning stages as well as another editorial that's due to be published in a couple of days (more on that soon!).

I find these long-winded projects tend to be the most satisfying for me. They allow me to dig deep and really sink my teeth into subjects that are near and dear to my heart. I'm still a gamer, obviously, but being able to blend together gaming, thinking about gaming in critical/objective ways, and sharing my thoughts with the community is super satisfying in a way I didn't really imagine was possible.

Here's to life, and all the strange, wonderful turns it takes.

Giving Thanks... and an Update!

Turns out I'm still pretty awful about this whole "update the blog" thing. Whoops. In hindsight, I also realize that I mentioned writing goals back in January and never actually returned to those goals. Whoops again. 2013 isn't over yet, however, so I'm not going to make this a goal update just yet. You never know what awesome things December will bring! At least, that's my hope.

Instead, I will take a moment to offer out some thanks, because, well, Thanksgiving and all.

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my friends and family members who encourage me, put up with me, and put up with my "3 AM = writing time" oddities. I know I don't quite make it easy. Ever.

I'm thankful to the two dudes behind Junkies Nation/Rift Junkies who gave me a chance what, 3 years ago, now? Time passes so quickly. I was promoted to Senior Editor this year, and we also launched a main portal site that encompasses MMORPGs, console games, and all things lovingly geeky. I get to write lots of editorials and opinion-related columns that dig a little deeper now, and I love it so.

Speaking of which, I'm ever-so-thankful to my friends and family members who have shared and read my articles and short stories. I've had a few brave moments this past year and am discovering that I do have courage in me, after all. I did my first in-person developer interview earlier in the year. It was pretty awesome to come home and have a handful of groupies eagerly awaiting my article. I also got to help an indie game developer create a crafting system for a new browser game we'll be able to play one day.

This year's been pretty monumental in the fact that I've earned roughly three-quarters of my yearly income from writing alone. No, it hasn't always been easy. There were months where I had to write about silly things like rice cookers and party tableware and other odd marketing content to pay the bills, but for the most part I can say I wrote about things I loved and was passionate about (yay for video games!). I haven't wrote nearly as much fiction as I would have liked to this past year, but at the end of the day I can say I earn most of my living doing something I love, and that's something I'm immensely proud of. And no, I have not abandoned my latest fantasy novel project. I will make time for fiction.

I'm also thankful for quite a few poetical-sounding things like the sky above, the ground below, a beautiful dusk, and the chance to begin each day anew. I'm thankful to my parents who raised me to be me, even if that me is sometimes timid and not-too-graceful. My mom and dad live on in me and I'm grateful for that.

I'm thankful for brave moments. I've finally been brave enough this past year to begin making progress toward ending this period of eternally-single-for-seven-plus-years that's a part of me I don't like to admit often. I guess I felt I needed to stabilize my own footwork before getting someone else intertwined and causing the two of us to go toppling over. That's not to say I've made a ton of progress-- yep, I'm still single-- but I'm enjoying getting to know new women, having a few brave moments, and learning more about myself in return.

And last but not least, I'm thankful for hope. Life wouldn't be possible without it.

Happy holidays, everyone! May your days and nights be filled with joy, hope, and a few brave moments.

Goals, Thanks, and Flying Penguins

Yes, those are flying penguins. Flapping, rather. In midair, World of Warcraft style. What do they have to do with the new year? Nothing, really. But hey, I thought they were cute.

I used to write a huge journal entry every new year's eve. It was kind of a tradition for me, in which I moped a whole bunch about the past year, and had better hopes for the future year. It was never a resolution type of post, since I'm not a huge fan of resolutions per say, but goals? Sure, I like goals. In retrospect, it was also a tradition to not look back on those journal entries full of goals because I usually never completed them.

2012 has been a little different, I'm happy to announce. I did write up a goal post for the year, but it wasn't quite in the same tradition as my new year's eve posts. Less mopey for one, which was definitely a step in the right direction! I'm also happy to announce that I actually completed all of the goals, and even rose above them. I wanted to finish Captive by the Fog and start submitting it to publishers. I succeeded, and saw it published in the same year. :D

I've been a little quiet on the blog front after Captive by the Fog's release (See? I really am bad about this blogging thing). Part of the silence is due to starting work on a new, big project-- a four part series of novels that will feature a cool host of LGBT characters and a fantasy universe complete with teleportation between multiple worlds. The project's a little ambitious and I have began writing on it, but found myself backtracking a bit in order to do some careful character planning. But fear not, I will journey onward! 

I also wanted to take the time during this new year's celebration to thank some very awesome people who made a difference during the release of Captive by the Fog:

• Clarissa Johal, thank you for the promotion help and for the random email commentary we've been exchanging as you read through Captive by the Fog. I love getting to see your reactions. :D
• Lyman from Gamut, our Guild Wars 2 guild, thank you so much for your awesome comments! Rereading this comment-- "I loved it! It was creepy and fascinating and terrifying and hot in all the right places."-- still makes me grin like an idiot. 
• Thank you to Sandy on Facebook, who approached me out of the blue and asked to be my friend after reading my lil' novel and enjoying it. That seriously made my day. <3
• Special thanks to my sister, Debbie, and her best friend Kim, for devouring Captive by the Fog and sharing plenty of reactions, encouragement, and great feedback!
• Mitch Sanford, thank you for being so awesome and enthusiastic about the joys of being a newbie writer, and for leaving wonderful reviews everywhere!
• Corrii, thank you for being, well, you. ;) For carting me around to see flying penguins, putting up with my half-drunken 4 am babbling, and everything in between.
• And last but not least, thank you to all the people who bought Captive by the Fog or intend on picking it up at some point! You're my unsung heroes.

Now, back to those flying penguins. 2013 is looking to be a decent year so far, and I hope I'm able to pull off what I've got planned. I don't have my goals for the year written up yet, but within the next month I'll probably be able to figure some things out and do just that.

Penguins aren't supposed to fly, and it sometimes seems just as hard to make a living off this writerly stuff. I've still got a ways to go, but with some luck and a little persistence-- I'll try my best to spread these wings and take flight. I'll never match the cuteness of a flying penguin, but hey, that's fine by me!

Journeying Into a Writer's World - One Year Later

I'm not normally one to talk about myself. I'm not sure if my random seven and a half Twitter followers know anything about me. I think most of my family members and Facebook friends see me as a weird, quiet reader who plays video games and kind of leave it at that. It's all true, of course. I am quiet, and generally content observing and listening. I am weird, but not as a result of my quiet nature. I'm just me-- at times goofy, eccentric, and nerdy, yet oftentimes lost inside my own head. I am, of course, a reader and gamer.

And I am also a writer. This part still causes me to blink a bit, which is odd, really, when you consider the fact that I have a B.A. in English. I've been writing since middle school, yet not consistently, and not professionally, until July of 2011. Now, at age 30, more than a year later, I finally have the confidence to say, "Yep, I'm a writer." There are a lot of reasons behind both my natural position of disbelief and my late-in-life acceptance. For me to explain those reasons... well, you're going to have to put up with a bit of my blabbing.

The years following my time spent at U.C. Davis were a bit unusual from the normal 22 year-old career-aspiring graduate. I didn't spend them frantically job-hunting or searching for internships. I didn't concentrate on my writing career at all. Or any career, for that matter. I didn't fall in love and get married. I spent them taking care of my mother-- the most kind and generous woman ever to have graced my life-- until she passed away in 2007.

Less than a year after that I also found myself burying my father, who died of cancer after I spent his last month with him as we watched old black and white Westerns stream across his television set. It was just him and I and the outrageously terrible medical care he received, even as a former Vet. I don't regret a minute of the time I spent taking care of both my parents during their final days, but let me tell you-- that year, and the following years-- were the darkest in my entire life, and will always be.

It took me until July 2011 to finally have the courage to face the world outside my grief-colored box and remember what the hell it was I wanted out of my time on this planet. If it weren't for my three lifelines-- my sister Debbie and my friends Angel and Chris Kyler-- I may never have braved the sunlight.

 

Now, my journey back to the world of the living-- and writing-- was kind of ironic, in a sense. I took my love for getting lost in video games and MMORPG worlds and finally... did something with that passion. I saw an ad and offered to become a writer on a popular RIFT fansite, Rift Junkies. The position was paid. I doubted myself for days, and was sure I'd be no good, yet I tossed out the application anyway. And somehow my editor had faith in me. And still does more than a year later.

I've since gone on to become a writer on multiple sites within the same network. I toss out new content between the three sites on a 5-night-a-week basis. My editor offers me all the freedom I could ever want, and along with that freedom, the job has given me one very precious gift-- confidence. That's not to say I, uh, am truly confident yet. I still struggle with confidences issues daily, but I am on the mend.

During the past year, that confidence gave me a glimmer of hope, and with that glimmer, I reached out and grasped my true writerly passion-- fiction writing. I've finished one novel, fully edited it, and had it accepted at Musa Publishing. I've also written about five short stories, four of which are currently circling the speculative short fiction market. I have quite familiarized myself with the concept of a form rejection this year, and I've yet to have a short story accepted for publication, but hey-- I'm on the mend.

Captive by the Fog, my upcoming novel, will be released October 26, and I'm excitedly awaiting its high dive jump into the wide, open world. A huge part of me rests in between the pages of Captive along with a large host of goofy characters, an alien species, a blossoming lesbian romance, and an encompassing hope for freedom. For those of you who plan on picking it up, I hope you enjoy the leap.

In the months to come, expect some pretty cool updates about Captive. In the meantime, I've got some more journeying to do, and I hope everyone who reads this has their own journeys to continue, begin, or lovingly recall (or all three!). Remember, the journey is everything. And yep-- everyone better have a Journey song in their head right now (A Jerry Maguire song's acceptable, too).

What happened to trying to blog more?

It seems I'm still pretty terrible at providing normal updates. Ah well.

My non-fiction writing has been going well. I've been pretty knee-deep in Star Wars: The Old Republic and writing about it, which may explain part of my disappearance from the whole blogging thing. It's actually an interesting turn for me as far as gaming goes, because instead of focusing on just the game and one particular character, I have been spending the majority of my time researching various classes and aspects of the game in order to write from different angles. It's a much more casual style of gameplay, but at the same time, still rewarding. Fairly win-win.

Eventually, I'll update the sidebar with my latest articles, but there has been quite a lot of them. I've been trying my hand at writing class guides and other guide-type articles, as well. I don't think they're my forte, but it's been fun trying new things. I'm still experimenting with the style of my column. Some days I go for a more casual, humorous angle, other days I'm more serious. I like to think they both fit, but one day I'd like to settle on one.

Fiction! I hit a bit of a stumbling block when it came to September's WotF's entry, which also explains my disappearance. It came back as a form rejection, which I should have expected, but I was admittedly pretty stupid about my expectations. I ended up feeling the good ol' 'first rejection blues' from it, even though I had my first real rejection years and years ago. After spending years away from fiction writing, however, it was kind of like being a rejection virgin again.

Was sort of an eye-opener for me. I spent a month or so determined to try and figure out what I did wrong with the story. Threw it out at critique sites. I learned some things from the critiques, but I think the piece needs more work than I really wanted to put into it at the time, so that led to more disappointment.

I'm glad to say I'm over it now. I ended up shelving the piece for now, until I can look at it again without getting all annoyed. I think the truth of the matter is that I have farther to go in order to become published than I originally thought. I'm okay with that truth, though. It just means I need to work harder at this.

I finished a fun little short story for WotF's last quarter at the end of December. I'm more realistic with its expectations this time, thankfully, but I'm happy with the piece. It was a bit of an experiment. The few people who have read it so far have enjoyed it. If anyone reading this is interested in becoming a beta reader for it, or any of my fiction in general, please drop me a line. I could use more beta readers.

Currently, I'm working on a new short story that's based on a bit of science and a bit of mysticism. It's one of those that I really have no idea how it'll end-- so it'll be interesting to see how it does end. It's funny how little control a writer has over a story's ending sometimes. Stories often kinda scream out their own ending.

I also spent November and December doing some fine edits and working on the last few chapters of my current novel. I've yet to go back to it and finish it up, but I'm kind of waiting until I'm in the novel mode again. For the moment, I'm in more of a short story mode, which is fine by me. Within the last few days, I've had a few other random ideas for short stories. I jotted them down, and will come back to them later. Ideas are always good.

I also took some time to attempt a short list of writing goals for the year. I'm not much for new year's resolutions, nor goals really, but I thought I should at least try. Here they are:

-Submit to each quarter of WotF
-Finish my WIP novel
-Find a good beta reader or two
-Send out a few submissions, whether they be non WotF stories, rejected WotF stories, or the novel above
-Continue my non-fiction projects
-Never go weeks without writing fiction again

Fairly simple. I hope I can stick with them. So far, so good.

Dancin' Among the Angels

As per request, here's the poem I wrote and read for my mom's funeral four years ago. It does fit rather well with one of the pictures I found the other day!

I was never a serious poet, so um, yeah, beware!

                                               Dancin’ Among the Angels

We walked along the shoreline,

My hand held in yours.

I was your baby, your joy, your everything

We smiled as the sun set behind our silhouettes.

Mother, daughter, enjoying the beauty of the ocean,

My hand held in yours.

We walked into the sunny schoolroom,

My hand held in yours.

I was nervous, afraid, but you encouraged me on

        It was my first day of school; you were just as nervous as I.

        Mother, daughter, learning the world together,

My hand held in yours.

We walked along the newly-mowed lawn,

Your hand held in mine.

I once depended on you; you now depended on me too

        My graduation day—how you wanted to see me.

        Mother, daughter, guiding each other along the way

Your hand held in mine.

We sat in the shade of the trees at the hospital,

Your hand held in mine.

We made each other laugh as we talked and ate tacos

        You were in a wheelchair now, but your spirit still pranced.

        Mother, daughter, sharing lunch and sharing life

Your hand held in mine.

You walk along the shoreline, watching the sun sink behind the waves,

Your hand held in God’s.

You were my mother, my friend, my everything,

        You’re in heaven now—dancin’ among the angels

        Mother and daughter—I’ll miss you, but you haven’t left me

Your hand held in God’s.

           

                                                                                                -Laura Hardgrave 11/08/07

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today, 59 years ago, Lizette Mareanne Lonne was born, later to become Lizette Hardgrave in 1977, when she married Phillip Hardgrave. To her friends, she was Liz. She passed away four years ago.

I guess it's more common for people to remember the day of their loved ones' passing, but for my mother's story and my story, the date of her passing has little importance.

Her life is her importance--the people she touched, the lives she warmed, the beautiful memories she helped create. Her legacy is the world around us, and one that will not pass away.

She lives on in me, her daughter, and in every single friend and dear family member who knew her well and loved her for the kind and loving woman that she was.

In everything I do, and in everything I write, she's there, guiding me, like a northward star guiding a weary traveler.

Happy birthday, Mom. Your star's freakin' gorgeous tonight.